Sinister Plays: Pokemon Black 007

by on March 8, 2025 at 10:28 pm
Posted In: fandom, media

Alright, what’s all this, then.

We are immediately beset on by a random stranger.

We are? After declaring that we’re training, she attacks, sending out… a purrloin. Sin-kun is kind of getting sick of purrloin already which is a bad sign. Our purrloin is faster than theirs, but they are doing like no damage to each other and we just switch out for Mrs. Beaver so the fight doesn’t take a thousand years. Mrs. B makes short work of it and…

… She sends out a second purrloin.

Sweetheart, you are going to need more than just two purrloins for either of those goals.

So yeah, it turns out this dream yard is in fact the place kids go to train pokemon in hopes of facing the gym leader. Which means two things.

One, we fit right in.

And two, we are absolutely going to crush these kids under our heel.

Youngster Joey opens with a patrat, and we immediately have to get Arsene out of the front again. This time we’ll let Chloe take care of Joey. Chloe takes it out with bite, but the rat gets a few decent hits in and we send out Ganon as a follow up for the next patrat, just so Chloe won’t faint.

Ganon takes care of it, but this kid actually has a third pokemon! He might be our toughest foe yet! We let Ganon take the lead again.

Joey asks us to acknowledge that his pokemon fought well, and you know what, kid? Yeah, they did. Good job.

Hell yeah, you go kid.

And we’ll go back to the pokemon center. After that’s done with, Sin-kun comes back to the dream yard and approaches the next kid expecting another pokemon battle

Yeah, really, Tepig! He’s right here. Do you have a problem with that? What the fuck is a pansage? It sounds like food.

So… you’re going to beat our ass with a water type pokemon, right?

Um.

Yes?

We can’t turn down free pokemon but we also can’t help the sensation that this is some kind of trap. We swallow down our paranoia and say yes.

Wait, so its a grass type? We thought you were gonna give us a water type! Not that we’re complaining, because again, who complains about free pokemon?

While Sin-kun is wondering what kind of absolutely stupid nickname this Pansage is going to be stuck with, we get blasted by this message:

It doesn’t even count as traded? It’s just ours? Sin-kun’s 1998 brain is exploding, and while that happens we realize we have no idea what kind of nickname to give this thing because we don’t even know what a pansage is.

It’s a little… girl… monkey?

Time for a Dragon Ball reference.

…

The game refuses to accept the name so we add a hyphen. Chi-chi it is. Sorry that you hate Dragon Ball so much, video game.

The kid has some shockingly good advice for us.

Not anything groundbreaking or anything that we didn’t know already. But good advice nevertheless.

With a surprise new pokemon in our party we get back on the hunt for trainers to cream.

Man this place looks… rough. And there are a bunch of kids here just playing in the dirty with the rusty barrels and exposed pipes and presumably broken glass.

Rad.

We search the area for any way to get through into the really dirty and dangerous part of the abandoned factory, but can’t find a way in, so we head back.

Looks like we’re gonna have to see the gym leader before we can get any further.

… We still don’t know who that is, where they are, or what kind of pokemon they have. But that’s a minor setback.

We head back out of the chic aesthetic children’s playground to go look for this mystery leader.

We head down a creepy back alley to see if the leader’s there, but it’s just a weird old man who gives us a dusk ball.

Thanks, weird old man.

We do some snoo PINGAS usual in random houses. Most of the people just want to tell us random pokemon facts like “hey sometimes they evolve after a battle” but also there’s this kid.

Fennel… we’ve heard that name.

Isn’t that Juniper’s girlfriend?

Well, apparently meeting another member of the MILF league will have to wait, because the kid won’t let us past.

With a self-reminder to check on Fennel later, we go back to snooping in another apartment.

The first guy we talk to randomly gives us a Great Ball- our first great ball. The only cost is listening to him  talk about how much he loves balls.

With a couple fewer IQ points, Sin-kun goes back on the hunt.

Okay you know what, these two are couples goals.

Hi. Wow. What an astonishingly creepy thing to say.

We turn around and see ourselves out of the building.

Well, aside from the great ball and great relationship goals, that was a fucking waste of time. Where the hell is this gym leader?

Another apartment, another weirdo. Sin-kun notes down the name Elesa, figuring we’ll have to beat her ass later.

That’s stupid.

The gym leader we’re looking for isn’t in the trash either.

The last building in town that we haven’t been in is the trainer’s school. But Sin-kun is an isekai protagonist. He doesn’t want to go back to school!

We ignore the school and go to check out what’s on the edge of town, instead.

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Sinister Plays: Pokemon Black 006

by on March 8, 2025 at 2:35 am
Posted In: fandom, media

We walk into the grass and we immediately run into a level 7 patrat, reminding us that we uh, we need to level our team some more.

Chloe gained a level just from being in the battle with that one patrat and getting immediately switched out. She learns “Odor Sleuth” which at this point we have deduced is DEFINITELY not an ATTACK.

Pokemon journey’s on hold everybody. We turn around and head back to the tall grass around route 1 to grind some levels.

We get into a battle with a level 4 lilipup and Chloe immediately gets off on the wrong foot by accidentally using leer twice instead of tackle. (Our finger slipped.) Chloe turns around and creams it for another level though.

After grinding a few levels we head back to route 2.

While I’m grinding Mrs. Beaver we run into a new pokemon! Its a purrloin, like that weirdo N had!

You have to name a thief after a thief.

As we’re rustling around in the bushes leveling, we’re noticing a couple of things.

For one, no bird pokemon yet. Sin-kun is already missing Pigey and Spearrow.

For another thing Chloe and Mrs. Beaver are both normal types, and they both know tackle and bite. Sin-kun’s starting to think one of them is going to have to go, sooner rather than later (and its probably going to be Mrs. Beaver.)

After training hard, we’re finally ready to face our first random trainer battle!

In true pokemon fashion, we’re challenged by Youngster Jimmy, who has a patrat. Sin-kun is feeling right at home with this situation.

We bite him into submission with Chloe.

Instead of going forward we go back to the pokemon center and get a little more training in. Sadly, we’re trying to level Arsene and noticing he’s not doing great at least in the early game against the patrats and lilipups. Pretty much all her levels are from soaking it up on the first turn.

Wooo… extreme! Pokemon loves to answer the question ‘if someone else jumped off a cliff, would you?’.

In our defense, it is a very small cliff.

The municipal sign committee is at it again, dedicated to their hard hitting public education campaign. We salute them.

Can you guess what kind of pokemon this trainer has? That’s right, its a purrloin. The adorable little thieving bastard.

We break out Mrs. Beaver to fight it since our own purrloin, Arsene has been getting his ass totally beat by patrats. Bite isn’t very effective, but tackle takes it down in 2 hits.

We come to another bit patch of grass. Maybe there are some bird pokemon in here?

At level 7, Arsene finally manages to take down a pokemon all by himself. A level 4 lilipup who only uses leer, except for on the last turn when it takes out half of Arsene’s health with one tackle. But hey, a win is a win, right?

Another youngster, another battle. There’s no way Arsene’s beating this kid’s lilipup so we quickly shuffle over to Mrs. Beaver. She creams the kid before he can get a shot in.

We come to the end of Route 2 (still no bird pokemon) and…

Hi, Bianca.

She leads with a level 6 lilipup, but its still out of Arsene’s league. So we switch to Mrs. Beaver again.

Sin-kun feels just a flicker of remorse for what’s about to happen to Bianca’s snivy. But not enough remorse NOT to hit it with ember until it cries for mercy.

Well. She’s having fun, and that’s what’s really important. For her. For Sin-kun dominating as the champion is what’s important.

With that we say goodbye to Route 2 and hello to Striation city, where our first gym battle awaits us, as well as, if we remember correctly, Professor Juniper’s old girlfriend.

We’re welcomed to the town by some bragging nobody. A trainer school, huh? That’s familiar at least. But Sin-kun already studied at isekai university in weeb-town!

Always hit the pokecenter first when you get into town. That’s rule number two, right under “ATTACK ATTACK ATTACK.”

Here’s our party as it currently stands.

There’s no interesting gossip happening in the pokemon center right now, they’re just chattering about catching more pokemon and getting more gym badges.

He uses pokemon that you don’t like? Oh no! Cry me a river old man, I think you’re a sore loser.

… Hey what kind of pokemon does the gym leader here use, anyway? 🤔

This town definitely seems to have a lot of old men in it, and now we know why. It’s an old factory town, and according to this guy there’s a pokemon who can make dreams appear living in the abandoned place.

So that’s not creepy at all!

Thank you, municipal sign committee, we have no idea what that means.

As usual, the gym leader is not in his fucking gym, and its our job as protagonist to go find him. Sin-kun’s annoyed, sure but this is old hat for someone who played as much of the original game as he did.

Striation city, where we love to send kids to play in the old abandoned factory! Better check a cool place like THAT out before hunting for this rogue gym leader.

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Sinister Plays: Pokemon Black 005

by on March 7, 2025 at 8:18 pm
Posted In: fandom, media

Something’s happening in the plaza! Time to rubberneck!

Huh that’s quite the crowd actually! What happened, did somebody die?

… What’s with this line up of goons?

Hey, what gives? You look like that guy from the throne room in the opening movie!

Ahhhh, of course, you’re a villain. In pokemon, any “team” is guaranteed to be a bad guy, right? IDK what the fuck a team plasma is, but we better hope they’re ready to get their asses creamed by somebody too h=young to be in high school!

Oh, it’s PETA. Its pokemon PETA. We’re actually going there. 😂😂😂

He gives us a speech about how humans and pokemon aren’t “really” partners and that humans are only using pokemon.

Ghetsis, buddy, these things aren’t docile. If the pokemon doesn’t want to be there it’s gonna nuke you and leave.

Yikes is right. We’re reminded of “Don’t Be A Sucker”, a wartime short about not falling for Nazi propaganda.

Remember kids, never listen to fanatics raving about things at you in public parks.

“Liberate the pokemon”. Yeah, okay buddy, shoo, scram.

After a little more ranting and some “thank you for your attention” his knights who say ni take him away for the crowd to discuss what he said.

Thankfully, most people seem to know this guy’s crazy.

And then some guy shows up.

Apparently, he can hear pokemon talking. When he finds out we can’t, he thinks that’s sad. He tells us his name is “N” which isn’t a name, it’s an initial. Sin-kun wants to ask if he’s related to “L”, but Cheren cuts us off by introducing us instead. He gives N our life story; well the life story of our isekai so far. We’re on a pokemon journey.

Cheren says his main goal is to be the Champion, which is sad because we’re going to stomp him into the dirt.

So we’re finally grappling with it. Are pokeballs Bad? 🤔

Yeah, sure man whatever.

…

Wait…

Why is a battle starting?

…

We have not trained any of our pokemon aside from Ganon. We may be fucked.

We get one exchange of attacks in and…

Oooh, you’re a freak, huh? <3

We cream his Purrloin with our favorite strategy (attack attack attack).

And Ganon gains another level.

Scratch that.

Ganon gains another TWO whole levels from this fight.

This little piggy is level 9! He also learned a move called “Odor Sleuth” which doesn’t sound like an ATTACK, but what can you do?  We get 700 pokedollars for winning.

N says and I quote “As long as they are confined to pokeballs, pokemon will never become perfect beings.”

Which is an extremely fucking sus thing to say. Perfect beings. Get outta here.

IDK about you, N, but our friends don’t need to be “perfect beings”, so maybe chillax, alright?

But he doesn’t chillax, he leaves.

Cheren at least agrees with us that that whole encounter was weird as fuck. He’s not going to let it worry him though. So I guess we can worry about it our own damned selves.

Cheren says he’s going to go battle the gym leader in the next town and frankly Sin-kun can’t fucking wait to do the same thing.

He leaves us alone, the music changes.

Finally we can actually start our pokemon adventure!

Time to go back to the pokecenter.

We wander around the town a little bit, getting to know the area and the people. All of them have delightfully useless things to say about love and pokemon, and pressing A, and all that good shit.

Except this kid.

Thank you, kid, that was very ominous.

You meet the most interesting people when you’re randomly wandering around other people’s houses. Apparently pokemon rock paper scissors means comparing pokemon types, so she won since she has a water type.

Sin-kun doesn’t mind being beaten by children unless its in a pokemon match.

Is she telling us we look like a pig? you’re no peach either, kiddo!

You should get divorced now and save time.

When Sin-kun is done snoo PINGAS usual, we remember to buy some pokeballs. 10 should do for now.

Alright, time to head out of town and really, REALLY start our pokemon journey.

We head out to the next route… through some kind of weird tunnel?

The municipal tunnel council has really outdone themselves.

… whatever floats your boat, kid.

And with that, we are really, actually finally on our pokemon journey properly!

… GOD DAMN IT!

Hi mom…. She called just to check up on us and because she wanted to hear our voice 😭😭😭 Triple Icon.

… wait.

MOM??????

… okay you know what, quadruple icon. Fuck yeah, thanks, mom.

Let’s not go too far now!!

Mom reminds us that we’re never really alone, with our pokemon, and our friends and she’s always thinking of us. That’s so sweet. But it WOULD be nice to get ten minutes of peace on our pokemon journey!

She bids us farewell, and heads back.

Maybe this time we’re really, truly, on our pokemon journey…

From here on out we will only be sharing important, or funny moments rather than liveblogging minute by minute gameplay battling trainers and pokemon. Though we may share some of that. <3

 

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Sinister Plays: Pokemon Black 004

by on March 7, 2025 at 6:19 pm
Posted In: fandom, media

Before we head out on the open road the first time it’s time to take care of some things like saving the game, and checking on our dear little piggy’s stats.

 

Ganon has a “timid” nature, and likes to run (which makes sense since his nature increases speed and decreases attack). Maybe we should have named him Usopp instead. But hey, names are aspiration, right? He’ll be great.

Admittedly, he’s not ideal, but this isn’t one of those isekai where you reset a million times until you get the cheat powers you wanted. He may be a coward but he’s our little piggy and we love him.

Alright with that taken care of, let’s catch some pokemon!

It takes a zillion years of walking around in the grass (seriously way longer than usual) to run into a wild pokemon, and as expected it’s Patrat.

The little bastard (gender neutral) got a critical hit on us!

Still, she’s no match for the power of a pokeball, and Mrs. Beaver joins the team. Named for the Narnia character, obviously, and not any weird innuendo, I promise 😉

I guess she’s more of a chipmunk or a prairie dog than a beaver, but whatever. 😂

At least it doesn’t make us wait a zillion years to nickname her!

…

and then we walk literally two steps and wind up in another battle because of course.

But it’s a different pokemon!

We have never seen this little guy before and he’s adorable! Sorry, she’s adorable.

She’s precious. We’re naming her after the dog from Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

It means we should hang around in the tall grass to catch pokemon?

Pal, that’s what we just said. 😂 Eh, whatever! We got the knowledge, we got the skills! Time to get on that journey!

Honestly mostly they have very stupid things to tell us, but they ARE pretty funny so this is a great tip. We take a moment to wonder what the municipal sign budget is like in the pokemon universe, and how many committee meetings there are to decide what they say.

We run into another Lilipup- another girl, and this one gets straight up merc’d by Ganon for the EXP.

And he learned ember! Which means we can now officially go back home and set our bedroom on fire if we wanted to!

A helpful stranger on the road reminds us to watch our pokemon’s hp, and gives us a medicine case and a potion which is good because Ganon’s hp is uh, actually not great right now.

We fix that with the potion and keep going!

The inventory screen Our bag is adorable, it’s styled like a large messenger bag with a bunch of smaller bags in it.

The next municipal sign just says “route 1” which is a much more normal thing for a sign to say.

We try Ganon’s ember out on a wild patrat for the first time and baby it burns so good.

At the end of the route we run into Cheren and Bianca again and Cheren asks if we’re ready to make our comparison. Apparently they both only have two pokemon which is pretty weaksauce.

Sin-kun decides to show them up a little harder and scoot around in the grass for another few minutes to see if we can find a bird.

Two more battles and two more Patrats.

Alright well three pokemon is still one more than either of them so where’ moving on for now.

… We are of course ambushed by one last Patrat as we head out of the tall grass. It’s not quite enough for Ganon to get to level 8 yet, but next time.

For now let’s hear what Bianca has to say.

Time for a pokemon measuring contest with Bianca. (Mine’s bigger.)

Bianca congratulates us for having more pokemon. There’s no hard feelings, she’s excited too! And as she and Cheren are about to head off to catch up with Juniper in Accumula town…

What’s this?

The Xtransceiver is ringing?

We didn’t even know it could do that!

Oooooh, it’s a discord call!! Okay.

It turns out Juniper just called to check to see if we were doing alright, and tell us she’d show us around Accumula town. It’s more of the script of course, and we don’t really need to be shown how to use the pokemon center and pokemart, but if it’s in the script it can’t be avoided!

Such is fate!

A short couple of steps later and we’re in Accumula town.

We guess it must be called “Accumula” because it’s accumulating residents, and we wave to Professor Juniper from this beautiful raised platform and sign that the municipal sign committee erected for us.

Here we are! Juniper reminds us that traveling with a pokemon partner is a joy, and honestly, yeah we agree with that. But…

Is it the pokemon center, professor Juniper?

…

Professor Juniper gives us (and Bianca) an inescapable tour of the pokemon center. Admittedly, it is bigger and more complex and futuristic looking than the ones we know from our anime in Kanto. What year is this, anyway?

Thankfully, no matter how state of the art the municipal pokemon center committee makes the pokemon centers, they’re still free to use. Even the Unova region has free health care.

We hand our pokemon over for the first of what’s sure to be many times. A jaunty little jingle and all of our adorable little monsters are right as rain and ready to start cockfighting again!

Then Juniper shows us how to use a computer, which is also free to use. But maybe use some hand sanitizer after you’re done with it.

Juniper really said “no spoilers” right to Bianca’s face. Who’s PC is it? Find out yourself, champ! Our PC system runs on narrative surprise!

Surprisingly in a move to boost efficiency, the pokemart is actually right inside the pokemon center. How does that work? We had always assumed that the pokemarts were little mom and pop shops but now it seems like it’s another municipal service!

Well, as long as its not overpriced, whatever. Sin-kun doesn’t care.

Juniper finally tells us she’s headed back to Nuvema town where we came from.

Before she wishes us farewell she does tell us one final thing.

She has an old girlfriend in some city we’re headed to! Another member of the League of Sexy MILFs I’m sure!

Juniper leaves, and Bianca gets distracted by the pokemart, because of course she does.

Right, well, with that, it’s finally time to head out! No more distractions, no more hand holding! Its time to really start our pokemon journey!

…

God damn it.

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